You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
