all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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