I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
