Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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