sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Never underestimate the power of titties
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