Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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