Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
