you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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