is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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