I'm laying in your front yard are you home
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
