I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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