the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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