We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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