is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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