Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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