I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
