Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have demons in me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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