Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize