Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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