The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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