GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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