never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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