God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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