you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
