Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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