probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
