Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
