wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
