3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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