My liver just broke up with me...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize