Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
