I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
