he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
