I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
