u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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