I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
