you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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