Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
