kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
