I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize