we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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