textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
