He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
