Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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