Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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