I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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