i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
