I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
