the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
