hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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