you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
