so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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