I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize