"it" just moved
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
