i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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