I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
