my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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