We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
