I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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