Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
