I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
