I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
