Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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