I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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