HIV tests are more positive than that guy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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