And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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