today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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