At least make sure they are 18
Why
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
