i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
