Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
3pm strippers are depressing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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