Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You almost got us killed.
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