My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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