I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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