My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
