She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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