I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ttyl tear gas
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
