Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
