She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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