You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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