I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
