her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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