It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
